Daniel Destroys #2 – Challenge of the Super Friends: Invasion of the Fearians

The team faces the greatest threat to humanity and the planet Earth: themselves. Featuring massive worldwide destruction by Flash, Aquaman and Green Lantern. Oh, and there’s three-headed aliens. Transcript after the video and comments welcome.

The quality of the picture is a lot better than last week’s. Looks like I got it figured out. I’d love to hear from you – please leave comments here or at YouTube (commenting at YouTube helps me get more people watching – hint, hint).

Challenge of the Super Friends #2: Transcript

[Title Screen – Daniel Destroys Challenge of the Superfriends – Episode 2 – Invasion of the Fearians]

Hey, I’m Daniel, and this is Daniel Destroys, episode #2.

This is one of my favorite episodes just for the sheer absurdity of what both the Legion of Doom and the Super Friends do over the course of 22 minutes. The entire population of the planet should have died three or four times over… you’ll see.

We open with the Legion of Doom. Grodd is bitching that their little club is an epic failure, but then Luthor announces that Captain Cold, of all people, has a brilliant new plan.

Captain Cold: I’ve recently been in contact with the Fearians, an advanced civilization of beings from the planet Venus.

(laughter) Captain Cold! Not Luthor or Brainiac – fucking Bizarro would be more plausible than Captain Cold making contact with an alien race.

Here we see the Knights Who Say Nee. The Legion of Doom will be required to bring them a shrubbery.

The aliens explain that they want to invade and conquer earth, and the Legion is eager to help. The plan is set to unfold in stages, starting with Captain Icehole. He starts by freezing all of DC and New York.

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice

Here we have Flash and Superman talking about Icehole.

Flash: If I turn up the satellite magnifier, I think you’ll see why…

That’s not how magnifiers work!

Flash goes out to take care of him, but Icehole escapes, naturally. So Flash does what Flash does best – he runs really fast and melts all the ice, somehow creating a lot of steam, rather than just big piles of water. This is gonna be a problem later… you’ll see.

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice

We learn that the next part of the plan is about to unfold and it involves this guy… and this guy. Unfortunately.

Black Manta set fire to the ocean, and Aquaman heads out to deal with it. He uses the only power he has on this show to summon a few fish, including a pygmy killer whale, apparently. They somehow start a massive tidal wave that not only puts out the fire, it floods inland areas, killing millions of people. Go, Aquaman!

Meanwhile at the Hall of Doom

Toyman: Your sinister plan is working perfectly!

Captain Cold: It’s not how you play the game Toyman, it’s how you win.

Do you have any idea what you just said?

Well, the aliens are happy, and they’re almost ready to invade.

Fearian: So we can turn your Earth into Venus II

Electric Boogaloo.

Here’s the last part of the plan, and it’s actually one of my favorite parts of the entire series. Sinestro fired some comets at the Earth, but Green Lantern can’t stop them because they’re yellow for some reason. His big solution? Move the earth out of the way! Nevermind that moving the plant off its orbit would probably kill everyone on it!

Well, it seems to have worked. Big grin!

Back at the Hall of Justice, the team is starting to figure out that they’ve fucked up the planet. The steam that Flash created, the tidal wave that Fish Boy killed all those people with, Green Lantern moving the planet – the good guys managed to screw things up so royally, they might as well go home and call in the Teen Titans figure it all out.

Aquaman: It’s as if we’ve been responsible for what’s happening!

Yeah, it’s exactly like that!

Another of my favorite parts of the whole series. Batman is checking out the temperatures around the globe, and he’s got a gauge for USA, Russia, Taiwan and JERSEY.

The aliens are ready to attack, but first, they need to take out the entire Justice League. Shouldn’t be too hard. They tend to stand around in one place a lot, making them easy to capture. Plus, they love to talk. They’d much rather talk a villain into submission than actually do anything.

The aliens blow a soap bubble at the Leaguers, which proves to be impossible to break, thereby ensuring they all suffocate within minutes.

Robin: Holy impenetrability, we’ll never get out of here!

Meanwhile, in Congress

When you’ve got a fortress with all the tech you need, the first thing you want to do when you take over the world is move into Capital Hill.

Back at the Hall of Justice, Green Lantern has a tricky plan. He’s going to turn them all invisible. Easy enough. The aliens get word that the team is no longer in the bubble, so naturally, they head down to investigate.

Huh. Nobody’s here… you know what, let’s just turn off the bubble since clearly nobody’s in it. No sense in leaving it up.


Rather than just stick ‘em in another bubble, the aliens decide to shoot Black Vulcan (ugh) with a gun. But Black Vulcan turns the beam back on the aliens. It works… and Green Lantern sends them back to Venus… where they will absolutely not plot revenge or relaunch the invasion.

The heroes figure they’ve got to put the earth back to the way it was, Superman uses his x-ray vision to evaporate water. Flash runs past some vines, apparently putting them into another dimension, and Green Lantern fucks with the earth’s orbit again.

Then it’s off to Congress to take down the Legion of Doom.

I’ll put my feet on the fuckin’ desk if I want to, I’m evil!

Aquaman found time to visit a tanning salon, apparently. And now a *ahem* fight ensues, largely consisting of things like Grundy carrying Superman to the back bedroom and Sinestro using his ring in ways that aren’t really supposed to be possible.

Don’t everybody move at once.

The good guys win, of course, and the bad guys escape, of course – using the escape rocket hidden in a box of hamdingers – I mean, in the dome of the capital. I mean, really? Seriously?

Superman: You’ll never escape justice as long as there are super friends!

Dude? They just did.

Reality Check.

This would never… ever… work. Ever.

Published by Daniel M. Clark

Daniel M. Clark is a podcaster and proprietor of QAQN, a writer at danielmclark.com, and an all-around cool dude everywhere else. God, I hate talking about myself in the third-person.

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  1. Consider me schooled on the physics of ice! lol

    The satellite magnifier had me puzzled for a couple of reasons – first, like you said, satellites are up in orbit looking down, so the angle was all wrong. But mainly, it was the way Icehole's ship just appeared, like it was a de-cloaking Bird of Prey or something. If the image was being magnified, the city on-screen would have zoomed in, as well.

    I'll tell ya though… you think the satellite magnifier was goofy, just wait til I get to the 1973 series. Just got it on DVD. It's *hysterical* with the way they talk about gadgets and computers and such.

  2. Maybe the satellite thing was a prototype for GoogleEarth, since that maps to an angle within a SatNav display. Or, maybe, more likely, the twerps making this thing assumed [somewhat fairly] that only idiots and/or kids were watching; though that assumes that the twerps making it actually understood what they were talking about.

    In opposition to that hunch, I can't guess why they [and pretty much everyone else making cartoons] threw a bolt upright, oversized allosaur into this thing. If you're gonna conjure some massive, anthropophagous animal kids can identify, why not go all out and create a shark able to hover a few feet off the ground, possibly with a laser on its head.

    Sometimes I wonder—somewhat seriously—if no one person has taken over the world yet because people looking to take over the world are basing their strategies on these cartoons. 'Let's see…To Do List…work up postwar infrastructure, implement for transition…repurpose Antarctica into penal colony as deterrent to dissent…develop nanotech to build allosaurs with lower back issues—damn…I'll get back to that one….'

  3. If Captain Icehole had additionally frozen a pasture in Pennsylvania, I'd be calling conspiracy right about now. Oh, and: ice actually can melt straight into steam; that happens here in Denver when the weather leaps impossibly from zero to eighty-five. Weirdest thing I've ever seen. On the other hand: was the 'satellite magnifier' actually at streetlevel? I was under the impression that satellites were more in orbit, kinda looking straight down at stuff.

  4. Thanks, Drew! You know, I meant to drag the file back into iMovie after I did the voiceover in GarageBand, because there was a couple of spots of pretty significant dead air, you're right. I just… forgot :-/ Next time, next time…

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