Daniel Destroys #3 – Challenge of the Super Friends: The World’s Deadliest Game

It’s all-out battle as… no, that’s not right. Gaze in amazement as the Super… no, that’s not it, either. Marvel at — no, wrong company. This is DC.

Okay, look. Hawkman, Wonder Woman and Black Vulcan get sucked into a black hole and the team has to go rescue them. If it had been Robin instead of Wonder Woman, they probably wouldn’t have bothered. The trio ends up on a planet run by Toyman, gets hit by a giant pinball, gets chased by a giant toy cat, and gets rescued by Green SuperLanternMan. It’s pretty fucked up. Check it out.

Challenge of the Super Friends #3: Transcript

[Title Screen – Daniel Destroys Challenge of the Superfriends – Episode 3 – The World’s Deadliest Game]

Hey, I’m Daniel, and this is Daniel Destroys, episode #3: The World’s Deadliest Game!

We open, as always, with the Legion of Doom. Last time, it was Grodd that was bitching about the failure that it is the Legion, this time, it’s that pasty, undead swamp rat, Solomon Grundy.

Solomon Grundy: Solomon Grundy tired of stupid plans! Take care of Super Friends myself!

Lex Luthor: Silence!

This week’s evil plan is brought to you by Toyman, so you know it’s gonna suck.

But Brainiac is going to help, too. He has a magic gun, a tiny little thing, that somehow has enough juice to turn the entire planet invisible. Well, he’s Brainiac, we’re not smart enough to understand.

Meanwhile, at the moon

Black Vulcan (ugh) repairing a — hey, wait a minute! He’s not wearing a space suit! Neither is Hawkman or Wonder Woman – well, she’s got a fish bowl on her head. But that doesn’t really count. And how are they talking?

Well no matter. Time to head back to Earth, which, you’ll remember…

Hawkman: there’s no sign of the Earth…

…has disappeared. But things are about to get real exciting, because there’s a black hole, and they’re getting sucked right in!

Narrator: they are pulled through an incredible warp of light and dimension.

Light and dimension? In a black hole? You sure about that?

The trio lands on a planet that Toyman set up. I know, I couldn’t believe it, either. Toyman set them up in a big pinball machine, and cue the “we don’t know how to turn to the left” scene. The big ball is coming right at them, and they try run away from it, rather than duck to the side and let it pass. And don’t forget, these three all have super powers. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice

The rest of the team learns that the trio got tricked by Toyman, and rather than laugh their asses off and leave ‘em to it, they decide to go rescue them. Conveniently, the Riddler shows up to feed them clues as to their whereabouts.

Robin the ‘leet hacker plugs the riddle into the computer and the machine spits out a print that tells Flash where they should start looking for their missing Super Friends.

Hey, nice tan.

The team takes off to rescue Hawkman, Wonder Woman, and Black Vulcan. Let me slow it down for you. Here they go: some unknown character in a blue cape – it’s not Batman – followed by Wonder Woman, followed by Black Vulcan, followed by Flash – who’s flying – and there’s Batman. 11 team members, 3 missing, they had 8 to choose from, and the animators still managed to screw it up.

Meanwhile, at the black hole in space

Wonder Woman: Great Goddesses, look! A giant dollhouse!

What, you didn’t notice it until you were standing right in front of it?

They head inside, contrary to any kind of rational thought, and are attacked by Toyman’s wind-up cat.

Wonder Woman: Quick, up those stairs!

What, the cat won’t follow you upstairs? If you’re wondering why they don’t just fly, Black Vulcan said this earlier in the episode:

Black Vulcan: It’s too hard to fly in this heavy gravity!

They can’t fly. Remember that.

Meanwhile, on a completely different planet

The search for their friends consists of a lot of standing around.

Hello, what have we here?

A race of space vixens? Right about now, Robin is silently begging to stay.

Vixen: I’m sure my girls can help you. Jana, Stenazi, Morengo.

That’s space vixenese for “off with your clothes”.

Unfortunately, the Super Friends all have severe allergies, and the space pollen begins to turn them to stone. Looks like Robin is going to get his wish, but not in the good way.

Only Flash is unaffected. He works a little Speed Force mojo and frees everyone.

Superman: Sorry to spoil your plans Empress!

Hey, where’d all the women go?

The team takes off to continue the search, which eventually leads them to the black hole.

Green Lantern, ever the egomaniac, says that only he and Superman can go into the black hole.

Superman: We’ll meet you back here, if we succeed.

And if we don’t, well, you’ll all die. See you later! Maybe.

Hey, there they are, that was easy. And now for one of the most bizarre moments of the show. In order to escape the black hole, Superman has to meld with Green Lantern. Black Vulcan, Hawkman and Wonder Woman – who can’t fly, remember? – will follow Green SuperLanternMan out.

Remember, they can’t fly. They CAN’T FLY.

Ah fuck it… whatever.

Well, that’s over with. The black hole collapses somehow, and it’s time to head home to Earth.

Meanwhile, at a small airport

The Legion, having gotten rid of the Justice League, has taken over… an airport. Shit, last time they took over Congress, this seems like a major step down.

Incoming!!!

And now, a *ahem* fight ensues. I know I cut a lot of stuff out for these little videos, but here’s really the extent of the fight scene. Superman wrecks public property for no good reason, Black Vulcan zaps the van that Riddler and Scarecrow are in, Hawkman grabs Toyman. That’s it. Captain Cold and Sinestro weren’t even there, so I don’t know why they’re in the pile-up at the end.

Hey, Black Vulcan got pants!

Brainiac: You forgot about my cloaking device that I used to make the Earth disappear.

Okay, that’s fine, but you’re just cloaked. You’re still there. You haven’t moved.

Superman: And next time, you won’t get away!

Yeah, they will. Count on it.

Reality Check.

Really can’t stress this enough. Just because someone’s a “super hero” doesn’t mean they can talk in space. Nobody, not the superest of super heroes, can talk in space because there’s no air to carry the sound waves. And yeah, they’d all be dead without pressure suits on.

About Daniel M. Clark

Daniel M. Clark is a podcaster and proprietor of QAQN, a writer at danielmclark.com, and an all-around cool dude everywhere else.

God, I hate talking about myself in the third-person.

Daniel M. Clark June 25, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Oh, I didn't mention that? I did a little checking – turns out that Giganta used to work at the Les Paul factory. When they fired her for gross negligence (an incident involving twelve guitar strings, three line workers, a bottle of scotch and a cat – don't ask) she decided to fashion a giant guitar to take with her using company resources. When Luthor wouldn't let her play it inside the Hall of Doom, she insisted on hanging on the wall, instead.

Mike Buechele October 14, 2010 at 7:11 pm

I am LMAO at these. Please don't stop!

Gremlin October 14, 2010 at 7:11 pm

I guess my only question is why, twenty-one seconds into this, the Legion of Doom have a massive guitarneck comprising one of their walls. Sure, it's cool and all; but…why.

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